Good-bye My Sweet Little Tink Tink




My heart was being ripped to pieces as I watched her final struggle. My beautiful german shepherd was laying on the floor crying and I couldn't do anything to help her. Her body was now stiff as her time neared and she could no longer open her mouth enough to drink water. I had hoped she would go peacefully in her sleep when we gave her the tranquilizer earlier in the day but she had awakened once more to the pain. I knelt down and petted her and told her, "I'm so sorry girl, I thought you would wake up in Heaven. I never thought you would wake back up to this. Don't be afraid, it won't be long now." I assured her before going to talk to my roommate. My roommate came back into the room and we gently picked her up on the towel. It was time to put a gentle end to her suffering. I fought back the tears as we carefully made our way out the front door.

I was somehow calm but in shock as we returned a little while later with Tink Tink's body now wrapped in a blanket. It was a difficult ending to a long life and I couldn't believe that she was gone. I closed the door to the back bedroom where she would be kept until she was burried the next day and then I broke down and cried.

I still remember that night when we took my german shepherd, Casey, to the emergency hospital. She had been staying underneath her doghouse with her newborn puppies and would hardly come out. My mom was worried and asked if I would go over to the house and check on Casey while she was out of town with my Dad. My mom told me that Casey would not come out from under the doghouse and she wasn't eating right. I went over to my parents house that night with my boyfriend not knowing what I would find when I went out to the dog's yard. I called but Casey would not come out from under the doghouse so I reached under and gently pulled the big shepherd out. There she stood trembling and very weak. We took her into the house and I looked her over. She was obviously in very bad shape. We put her into my boyfriend's car and headed back to my grandmother's house where I asked if I could borrow some money then we rushed to the emergency clinic.

At the clinic, we saw the gravity of the situation and it was advised to put her to sleep but, knowing what my mom would say if she was in my place, I told the doctor to do whatever was necessary to save Casey's life then I went back to my mom's house and got the puppies out from under the dog house and brought them in. There were two puppies and neither looked like they would make it. One was weaker than the other but I managed to get them both to drink some milk then my boyfriend and I left the two puppies sleeping comfortably in a box snuggled up in a towel.

The next day when my mom came home I learned that Casey's chance of survival was still slim and my mom was going to have to hand-feed the puppies and take care of them while Casey was in the hospital. One of the puppies died after a few days but the remaining puppy was getting stronger.

Casey finally came home from the animal hospital several days later but she still needed special care. The puppy was still being cared for by my mom and my mom was totally attached to the cute little puppy. My dad said that they couldn't have anymore dogs because they already had three (my dog Casey, Casey's soulmate Bruno, and a little miniature dachshund named Pickle). My mom finally gave the puppy away to one of the guys that worked with my dad.

A few months later, the man who had adopted the puppy asked my mom if she would take care of her for a week or two. The dog was now a 'rig-dog' (she was supposed to be a sort of watch dog for the water rigs that they were drilling) and her name was 'Betty Boop'. The poor dog was very timid and was not really much of a watch dog. She just wanted to be a pet. My mom once again became very attached to the dog and no matter what my dad or I said to her, she wanted to keep the dog. Of course, if the man had come back for the dog, my mom would have given her back to him but he was gone for over six months. By then 'Betty Boop' had become very attached to my mom and the man decided that it would be cruel to take her away from the home that she loved. My mom didn't think that Betty Boop was a good name for this sweet little german shepherd and changed her name to Tinker (Tink-Tink).

This was sixteen years ago but it all seemed like yesterday as I woke up the next morning to the sad reality that she was gone. The morning was filled with a sense of dread as I got ready for work. I found myself holding back tears as I cleaned the first house on the schedule. I struggled to eat my lunch as I thought about the events from the day before. I was relieved when the second house was moved to the next day with a different crew. I just wanted to get back home even though I knew what I had to do that afternoon.

It seemed like it took forever for me to get home. I went outside and picked the spot then my roommate came out. I held back the tears as I cleared the spot I had picked and began to dig the hole. My roommate got the other shovel and helped me dig.

I remembered going back to visit my mom and seeing Tink out in the back yard with Scooter (my mom and dad had bought this little miniature schnauzer after Pickle died). But, even though I had helped my mom take Tink to the vet several times, I never really got the chance to get to know Tink until several years later after my grandmother died and I started cleaning my mom's house for her. I was surprised when she brought the dogs in one night (up until then they were outside everytime I was there) and the dogs freely jumped up on the furniture. I asked my mom if it was okay for them to be up there and she said, "It's their house they can go where they want." It was a lot of fun when both dogs jumped on the couch and began to lick my face. I got to know both dogs quickly after that and, even though I thought Tink was spoiled rotten, I still liked the sweet little dog. My mom and I used to have a lot of fun playing keep-away with Tink (and with Scooter when he would join). My mom would tell Tink, "Go get Teddy!" which could be any one of the dogs' stuffed toys. Tink would go pick a toy and give it to my mom then stand in the middle of the livingroom floor between my mom's chair and the front door where I would be on my knees waiting for my mom to toss the toy to me. Tink would try to get the toy in mid air as we tossed the toy back and forth. When she did get the toy it was a lot of fun trying to get it back from her but once we did, the game would start over.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as we finished digging the hole and went back in to get the blanket that now held Tink's body. The tears flowed freely as I made my way out the door holding one end of the blanket. I couldn't believe the events of the last two days ... I couldn't believe such a beautiful life had come to such a horrible end. We lowered her into the grave and I looked over at my roommate. "I've said all the prayers I can think of to say... I really can't think of anything else to say that hasn't already been said." I reached over and grabbed and handful of dirt and tossed it into the hole scattering it over the blanket.

Tink had been healthy most of her life until she had breast cancer. My mom was so scared that Tink wouldn't survive but Tink was a survivor. She recovered from having breast cancer and went on to live a happy, healthy life. My mom babied both the inside dogs -- and the outside dogs (Casey and Bruno then Snuggles when Casey died and Goldie when Bruno died). I remember times when both Tink and Scooter were in the house and my mom was eating. Both dogs would sit there begging but Tink would keep inching closer until her nose was almost in my mom's plate! Even though she was spoiled and babied, Tink was very timid. She hated loud noises like thunder or fireworks and went absolutely insane when we took her to the vet for her checkups and vaccinations. That dog would somehow manage to be in three places at once -- under the chair, trying to get in our laps, and struggling to get out the door all while under the influence of heavy tranquilizers! Of course she usually crashed for a while after a visit to the vet.

She doesn't have to be afraid of anything anymore I thought as we began shoveling dirt to fill in the grave. Several times I had to stop to wipe the tears from my eyes. Thankfully, the feeling of being somewhat in shock numbed me enough that I was able to continue. We searched for rocks to cover the grave and then I went in to get some clippers to cut flowers for the grave. My roommate and I gathered a small bouquet from roses to oleanders and anything else we could find that looked nice. We put them on the grave and watered them then slowly turned away and went back into the house. As I sat in front of my computer I searched for pictures of Tink that I had taken with my digital camera. I found several pictures of Tink when she was still healty. I couldn't believe how much her health had deteriorated during the last few months. She used to be almost too heavy but when she died she was very skinny with her ribs and hip bones showing. When Tink first came to live with me one of her legs was lame. She kept that paw lifted up and walked on three legs. This didn't happen until after my mom died. We were never sure what caused the leg to be like that. The vet told my brother it looked like arthritis but when I took her they did x-rays and couldn't find any sign of arthritis. The vet said that, from the blood tests, he was worried she might have cancer. He wanted me to come back and have a biopsy done but I was worried that if she had cancer, a biopsy would only make it spread faster. Besides, if it was bone cancer, there was really nothing much they could do for her so why put her through the torment of taking her back? When I did take her back for her vaccinations, the vet was really surprised to find her so healthy. But that changed quickly about a year later. She began to have more trouble walking and she slowly started losing weight. The last few months of her life she had gotten very skinny and wouldn't gain weight no matter how much she ate or how much of the weight gaining supplement I gave her.

Several times I had considered putting her to sleep but I knew that my mom didn't believe in putting an animal to sleep so I never considered it for long. Besides, Tink loved her life. She never gave up -- not even that horrible day I realized her life was ending. The day before she died she kept needing help to get up which was unusual with the new arthritis medicine I was giving her. That night I gave her the new dog aspirin I had bought thinking she would be up and about the next day but that wasn't the case. I went into the back room that morning and helped her up then watched her fall after a few shaky steps. That was when I noticed she was getting ready to leave us. Both my roommate and I had to go to work so I couldn't stay with her. I felt horrible about leaving her alone. I tried not to cry as I helped her up for the last time so she could drink her water. She gratefully wagged her tail as she leaned against me and took a long drink before her legs gave out. I made her as comfortable as possible before leaving expecting she would be gone when we got back. It tore me apart inside to find that she was still awake and she could no longer stand up to drink. We gave her water out of a feeding syringe then, after some discussion, gave her the strong tranquilizer which we hoped would either end her life or at least let her sleep until it was over. But Tink fought death to the very end when we set her free.

Now as I stare out my window at her grave I still cannot believe that she is really gone. The shock is worn off and I am left with the pain of losing my beautiful, sweet, baby Tinker. I truly believe that she is with my mom now and that she is truly happy and tearing apart every flower garden in Heaven now that she can run and play again. One day I will see her again. One day my mom and I will play keep away with her and Scooter again. Play In Peace my sweet little Tink Tink --- I will never forget you.

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