Return To Reflections...


Except for my last entry nearly a month ago, it's been a while since I've visited or added anything to these pages. I've guess I've stayed away from these pages almost intentionally. It's kind of strange somehow knowing that anything I write up here can be seen by anybody ... but this was my decision... this was what I wanted - or needed ... maybe both.

I had to write and I had to express myself. This was true when I started this part of my website and it is still true.

The reason I've been avoiding this place is that I've been at a sort of standstill. The things I write here seem far to superficial when I think of what I really wanted to say but didn't let myself. Maybe I was afraid of the thought that other people could really see a part of me in a way that I'm not comfortable with sharing.
Maybe I was afraid of the thought that something I write in these pages could come back to haunt me.

I know I can always remove anything that I feel uncomfortable with leaving up on these pages ... but that would go against what I created these pages for. I started reflections as a way of, not only allowing myself an outlet, but also to learn how to open up and let others get to know me. The only problem is that I don't always know what is going to come out when I start writing until I am finished .. and then the words don't really sink in until I've read them later. By then it's too late - the words are up here for anybody who wants to read them. So I find myself being far to careful when I write something that I know will go up on this site. Which, of course, defeats the purpose of my writing to begin with.

Maybe this is the real reason I've stayed away ... the things I've been wanting to write make me way to uncomfortable in the first place.. and way to afraid to write them up on this site.
This is especially true after what I found myself writing in my last entry ... which I still cannot believe I wrote...

But I finally think I've gotten over that fear now and I've finally returned for the time being. I'm hoping I finally open up and truly be myself on this page. Maybe then you, the visitor, can actually get to know me a little better.


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