This is a work of fiction based on a dream that I had a while back. It's painful to write this because I miss my mom, the dogs, and the time I spent up at my mom's house. But at the same time I am completely enjoying taking the mental trip back in time. If only it were real....

Watching The Owls 2005
A Trip Back In Time

Lately I find myself watching the skies as the sun goes down searching, hoping for a glimpse of an owl. I hear them late at night sometimes but rarely see them. A few nights ago I found myself transfixed by the colors of the sunset as I watched and waited. There was a soft breeze blowing and the smell of wet grass from the freshly watered yard.

I'm not sure how long I was standing there but suddenly I found myself standing in the middle of the fruit trees in my mom's back yard. A loud chirp/clicking sound caught my attention and I quickly ran around to the front of the shed to watch the skies above the neighbors yard. There it was -- a huge barn owl circling as it waited for another owl to join it. After a few seconds the other owl took flight and the two of them circled the skies above me before heading out to the foothills. I watched them until they disappeared then I became aware of the sound of my mom's dogs barking as they tried to get my attention. I froze in place as I looked into Bruno's soulful eyes. I couldn't believe it-- was I really here? Bruno's sharp bark made it clear that I was here and he was hungry. I looked down to see the two food dishes sitting on the ground in front of the gate to the fenced in dog's yard. I picked up the two dishes and opened the gate still unable to believe what was happening. I set one dish down in front of Bruno and one in front of Snuggles. Both dogs attacked the dishes as I fought back the tears while I petted them. It was hard to believe that I was actually standing here petting Bruno who died over seven years ago.

A shrill bark from the fenced in pool yard nearly made me jump out of my skin. Scooter and Tinker were both staring through the fence demanding my attention. I leaned down to give Bruno and Snuggles both big hugs before leaving the dog yard and closing the gate behind me. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I reached over the fence to the pool yard to pet Scooter and Tinker. My sweet little Tinker alive and well and walking on all four legs. The images of her last days broke my heart as I stared at her now. Such a sweet, beautiful baby ... oh how I missed her.

Then it hit me... I ran to the driveway beside the house only to see that my mom's car wasn't there. My heart sank. I wanted so bad to see her one more time. I sat down on the small brick wall that borders the patio and looked down at the green astroturf that covered the cement patio and sighed.

I'm not sure how long I sat there but when I looked up I was back in my own yard again and Trinity was bugging me to play with her. Searching through the yard, I found a tennis ball and held it up while the playful shepherd mix bounced up and down, all four paws leaving the ground at times as she anxiously begged me to throw the ball. I gave the ball a long throw and watched Trinity race after it. A few seconds later the dog came trotting back with the ball, rushing past me as she playfully tried to keep me from getting the ball from her. I followed the playful dog in circles grabbing for the ball only to have her turn away at the last second. "You brat!" I laughed as I tried in vain to get the ball from her.

The loud shriek of a barn owl made me look up toward the sky. I found myself in the middle of the pool yard as a barn owl flew overhead. I looked down to see Scooter running with a ball in his mouth. Tinker was close behind chasing him. Without thinking, I joined in the chase. Scooter, as usual, was too fast for us. After a while, Tink and I gave up and went to sit down in the grass. Scooter joined us after a few minutes and jumped up on me to lick my face. I finally freed myself from the furry little whirlwind and got up. I looked over to see if my mom was home but she was still gone. Maybe she left a note in the kitchen?

I rushed out of the pool yard and into the house. There were several bags of groceries on the counters. I guess this must have been one of those nights when I had done the shopping for her. I began to empty the bags and put all the groceries away. After I finished putting the groceries away I went into the living room to see if there were any notes in here. There on the coffee table was the notebook that my mom used to write notes for me. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I sat down on the couch and began to read: "I had a free play so I went to Bingo. I left a grocery list and some money on the kitchen counter. If they don't have any round steak, get porterhouse instead. The kitchen floor needs to be mopped tonight. Also, please fold the clothes in the dryer and put the clothes from the washer into the dryer. There is some chili on the stove for dinner. I should be back before you leave tonight." I should be back before you leave tonight. The words felt like a shockwave. I looked up at the clock on the vcr. It was only 7:30 so it would be another 3 hours or so before my mom would get back home. I got up and went into the kitchen. The sink was full of dishes so I filled up the dishwasher and started it. There were still some dishes left in the sink so I washed those too setting the clean dishes on some paper towels on the counter.

A noise from behind me made me look down to see my mom's cat, C.C. sitting there looking up at me. I was back home again. I looked down and finished washing the last of the dishes in my sink before putting some food in the dish in front of C.C.
By now I wasn't sure if I was coming or going or where I would find myself next. All I knew was that I wanted to go back to my mom's house but I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to go back or not. I wasn't even sure how I had gone there in the first place or if I had even really been there. It was all so confusing. I wiped tears from my eyes as I wandered into my living room. I found myself staring at the collection of pictures on the wall above the loveseat. My eyes locked onto the picture of me with my mom and dad. This picture was taken back when I was only about 13 years old. My mom and dad had some portraits made of all of us. The picture on my wall was a small version of the one that hung on the wall above the mantle at my mom's house. I hoped that if I stared into the picture long enough that I would find myself in her living room but it didn't happen. Startled by the sound of Trinity's barking, I turned away with an aching sadness in my heart. I went to the front door and opened it to see what she was barking at. 'Just the neighbors', I sighed to myself. "Trinity, come here girl. Leave them alone pup." Trinity trotted back toward me then stopped as something caught her attention. Probably just birds flying around in the trees, I thought. Trinity loves to chase the birds. But this time she just sat down staring up into the china berry tree and whimpering. I walked over to where Trinity was sitting and followed her gaze to one of the top branches of the china berry tree. A big barn owl stared back at me barely visible against the night sky. My heart raced as I stood there staring at the owl. I had to get a camera!

I suddenly became aware of the camera strap wrapped tightly around my wrist and the weight of the camera as it dangled from the strap. I looked down to see my old minolta camera hanging from its strap. My mom got this camera for me for Christmas one year but the lens doesn't work so well anymore and I have started using digital cameras so now it just sits and collects dust. I looked up and saw the barn owl in the top of the slender tree on the other side of the pool yard. Scooter was barking at it but the owl just stayed there. My heard pounded in my chest as I slowly raised the camera and aimed it toward the owl. The bright flash lit up the entire pool yard as I blindly snapped the picture in the darkness.
I lowered the camera and looked back toward the tree just in time to see the owl take flight. I turned and went back into the house nearly slipping on the wet floor. Hmm.. must have already mopped the floor, I thought as I stepped back outside leaving the door open so the floor would dry. The smell of the chili had filled the kitchen and now drifted through the open door. "I wish that floor would hurry up and dry." I said aloud as I wandered out to the driveway, my eyes watching the skies.

The sound of a great horned owl broke the silence. I love to listen to the great horned owls calling to each other. I stood there in the driveway listening for a few minutes until the sound of my mom's phone ringing distracted me. I ran into the house to see who was calling, nearly sliding all the way into the dining room as my feet hit the mop and glo which had dried to a hard, slippery shine on the floor. I raced into my mom's bedroom just in time to hear the answering machine beep. My mom's voice came through the speaker. "Mary, are you around the phone?" I froze.. sobbing quietly, tears streaming down my cheeks. "Mary?" I swallowed the lump in my throat and picked up the phone. "Hi mom!" I said trying to sound as natural as possible.
"Is something wrong?" My mom sounded worried.
I took a deep breath. There was no way my mom would understand that she had died over six years ago and I had somehow taken a trip into the past and was talking to her after losing her so many years ago. "No, I'm just trying to catch my breath. I was outside listening to the owls while I was waiting for the floor to dry."
"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you mess up your clean floor."
"No, it was already dry when I came back in. I guess I was outside longer than I thought."
"Okay. I just wanted to let you know that I won't be home until around midnight because I am giving a friend a ride home from bingo. I thought you might leave before I got home and I wanted to say hi just in case I didn't get to see you tonight."
I swallowed hard to fight back the tears. After a few seconds I managed to speak. "I might be here kind of late. I wanted to play the keyboards for a while before I went home so I will hopefully be here when you get back." I bit my lip. I didn't want to make any promises because I couldn't be sure if I was going to wind up back in my own house before my mom came home.
"Great. I'll stop by Smith's and bring back some dessert for us then. Have you had dinner yet?"
"I haven't eaten yet but I was going to as soon as the floor dried."
"The chili doesn't seem to taste as good tonight. I was wondering if you could tell me what you think. It seems like something is missing from it." My mom has always been a great cook but that doesn't stop her from worrying and fussing about her cooking.
"I'll go take a taste real quick." I said carrying the cordless phone with me still unable to believe that I was talking to my mom. I picked up the spoon she had left on the stove and took a taste of the chili. Once again, I had to bite my lip to hold back the tears. I missed my mom's cooking so much. "It tastes wonderful to me! Best chili I've had in years!" I winced at my choice of words.
Luckily my mom didn't think twice about what I had said. "So it's better than usual?"
"Oh yes!" I said grateful for the chance to recover from my near mistake.
"Well, I'll let you go then. They're getting ready to start again."
I struggled to keep myself from begging my mom not to hang up the phone. Instead I just managed to say, "Okay, see you when you get home." I truly hoped that either I or my past self would be here when she got back. I would hate for her to make a special trip to get us dessert then disapppoint her by not being here when she got back.
I put the phone down and broke down and cried so hard that my insides ached. After what seemed like forever, I stopped crying and pulled myself together long enough to beg God to let me stay here for just a little while longer. "Please, God!" I cried, "Don't make me go back! Not until she gets home! Please!" I closed my eyes and tried to catch my breath.

My heart sank when I opened my eyes and found myself still standing outside my house with Trinity. 'It's not fair!' I screamed inside my mind as I went back into my house. At least I had talked to her. Or had I? It had seemed so real. I realized that I was carrying a digital camera in my hand. I went into my room and connected the camera to the computer. I watched as, one by one, the black squares appeared on the screen. "The camera never seems to see the owls." I thought as I disconnected the camera and stared blankly at the screen. Finally, I got up and went into the kitchen. It was after 9:00 and I hadn't eaten dinner yet. Although I wasn't in any kind of mood for dinner, my stomach was growling fiercely and I knew I had to make myself eat something. I took a can of Dinty Moore beef stew and put it in a pan to heat up while I searched the cabinet for a bowl before turning toward the stove again.

I found myself standing in front of my mom's stove stirring the chili. I quickly filled a bowl with chili wanting to get a chance to eat my mom's chili again before I would up being stuck back in my own time. Something felt different this time though. I went into the pantry to get some crackers then filled a glass with milk then I gathered my dinner together and went into the living room to eat. It was the best chili I had ever eaten. I went back for seconds but decided to just have a small bowl the second time around. I wanted to have some room for dessert just in case I was still here when my mom got back.

I glanced up at the clock in the kitchen after I finished washing my dinner dishes. It was nearly 10:00. Two more hours before my mom would get home. I felt nervous and frightened. On one hand I was scared to death that I would find myself back in my own house in my own time before my mom got back. On the other hand I was worried about how I would react to seeing her again. I paced nervously back and forth in the kitchen before remembering that I still had not taken care of the laundry. Even if I was only here for a few hours, I wasn't going to skip on the things my mom had asked me to do. After all, she had no idea what was going on and I didn't want her to be upset because I didn't do the stuff she had asked me to do. I quickly removed the laundry from the dryer and folded everything. Then I put the clean clothes into the dryer. Still nearly two hours to wait. I grabbed my keys and went out to the shed.

I stepped into the tiny two-room building and just stood there staring at the walls. I often described the front room (my music room) as looking like a 'rainbow threw up'. The walls were basically white with many other colors blended in. Also, there were pictures that I painted onto the walls and places where I wrote on the walls. I loved this place. I hadn't looked at a calendar so I wasn't sure what year this was. Bruno was still alive but Casey was gone, the shed had the pictures I painted on the walls but the 'Splatterhouse' picture that a friend of mine had painted wasn't there yet. I went over to look at the keyboards. The Polaris synthesizer was on the keyboard stand along with the Peavy keyboard. I turned on the synthesizers and found that the polaris wasn't working. Considering that I didn't discover my love of owls until the last year or two that my mom was alive, I guessed it was probably 1997 because my mom didn't have a computer yet. I shrugged and began to play the Peavy. I had forgotten how good the music sounded when I played in here. I shut the main light off leaving the room lit up by the Christmas lights and continued to play. I hadn't been paying attention to how long I was playing because I was startled by the sound of my mom's car horn outside. I fought to hold back the tears as I slowly forced myself to open the door.
The sound of the loud screeching chirp/click of the barn owl next door filled the night sky as I opened the shed door. My mom slowly pulled her car around to the house. I felt myself trembling as I closed the shed door and followed the car.

My mom got out of the car. "There's a chocolate cake on the passenger seat." She was saying as I froze in my tracks and stared at her. "Are you okay?" she looked at me quizically.

I nodded. "I just had a very bad dream last night, that's all. I dreamed that you honked your car horn and I came out of the shed to follow you up to the house but when I got to the car, it was empty and you were nowhere to be found." The lie wasn't far from the truth in one sense. The empty car I lied about was another way of saying that she had died.

My mom just gave me a funny look before picking up her purse and turning to go into the house. I opened the passenger door of the car and picked up the cake then turned to follow her. She walked so slowly. I could see now what I hadn't been able to see before. She had a bad limp and it was so obviously painful for her to even walk. The dogs started going crazy as my mom opened the door so she started to go open the gate to let them in.
"I'll get the dogs in a second, Mom."

"Thanks. I am really hurting tonight."

Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched her go into the house. She was only about 50 years old but she was in pain so much of the time that she depended on me to do a lot of the chores around the house for her - especially feeding the dogs. She couldn't even go out to feed Bruno and Snuggles without her knees and hips hurting although she still went out to the dog yard from time to time to sit with the dogs. She also came into the shed once in a while to listen to me play the keyboards. Still it was difficult for her to get around sometimes. I waited patiently for her to get inside the back door before following her in and setting the cake down on the counter. Then I went out and brought Tinker and Scooter in the house. The dogs ran wild through the house then raced back in for their treats. My mom asked me to give them their treats while she cut two slices of cake for us.

I stared down at Scooter while he gnawed on his pig's ear then looked up to find myself back home again standing in my own kitchen watching C.C. eat treats off of the floor. I was actually grateful to be back at that moment because I knew I couldn't hold back the sobs any longer. I sat down on the kitchen floor and cried until I couldn't cry any longer. Finally I stood up and washed my face and stared out the kitchen window. "I'm ready." I said not knowing who I was talking to.

I found myself back in my mom's kitchen watching Scooter and Tink beg as my mom put her plate into the sink. My mom was staring at me with a funny look on her face. "Didn't you hear me talking to you?"

"Uh .. I guess I wasn't paying attention...." I said managing a sheepish grin.

I washed the plates almost wishing that I had been there to eat dessert with my mom. That cake had looked awfully good. I guess my past self must have really enjoyed it. Come to think of it, I found myself remebering how good it tasted. I shook my head quickly to stop myself from thinking too much about time travel and how it affected the present and all that.

My mom looked tired and it was already after 1:30am. I knew it was time for me to leave.
"I better get going." I said not really wanting to leave but knowing it was best. "I love you mom."

"I love you too pooh-bear." she said giving me a hug.

I cringed at my mom's nickname for me but said nothing. Instead I just gave her a long hug knowing that this was the last time I would see her for a very long time.

"Be careful!" my mom called after me as I opened the back door. She always told me to be careful and I usually said something like, "Never!" or something like that just to tease her. But, knowing that I would never hear those words from her again, I simply said, "I will mom!"

I grinned back at my mom's shocked expression and closed the door behind me. Walking around the pool yard toward the shed, I noticed my blazer parked in it's usual spot.

I found myself wondering when I was going to find myself back in my own time as I unlocked the blazer and put my bag in the passenger seat. I started to get in but, decided that, since it would be a long time before I would see another owl, I might as well make the most of this. I closed the blazer door and wandered back to fruit trees where I would watch the skies without having one of the yard lights shining in my eyes. A loud shriek from a barn owl startled me as the huge bird flew overhead then circled. Another barn owl joined it, then another. The three owls kept circling, flying higher and higher, until they disappeared into the night sky.

I woke up suddenly and looked around as the dim light of the early dawn filtered into my room. 'It must have been a dream.' I thought to myself as I got out of bed. I went to the window to see the sun light barely beginning to peek over the mountains. From somewhere, a shriek from a barn owl cut through the quiet morning. I swallowed the lump in my throat and turned away from the window to see my minolta camera sitting out on my dresser. I picked it up and looked at it. There was a new roll of film in it and one picture had been taken......

The End

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