Dreams Of Fire

I had a dream a few years ago that the there was smoke coming from a hole in the floor of the house I was living in. But in this dream I just sort of ignored the smoke and kept hoping it would go away .. I didn't run for help, I didn't try to see if there was a fire ... I just tried to pretend that it wasn't happening. The dream ended when I finally realized that the house could actually be on fire and I showed the smoke to somebody - I think it was my dad (who had passed away several years before I had this dream) and he looked at it but the fire had already gone out. I woke up from this dream with a feeling of sadness and uneasyness that I don't quite know how to describe.

This dream still sticks in my mind along with two other dreams I had that were very similar even though it was nearly 10 years ago that I had these dreams.

The details of the second dream I had involving fire aren't as clear as the first dream but I still remember the feeling it left me with. In the second dream, I remember there was a fire threatening a store ... it was in a sort of clearing in the middle of a forest. My mom (who was still alive at the time of this dream), and my dad were both in this dream and we were all trying to move the stuff out of the store, which was very close to the fire, and into a building a few hundred yards away from the store .. but there was no sense of urgency ... nobody was really afraid or anything even though the store was beginning to catch on fire. We just continued to move things as though nothing was wrong. There was even some sort of arguement between some of the other people who were helping us move everything. It was like we weren't even letting ourselves be aware that there was danger of any kind or that we might not get everything moved before the store burned down. Somehow the fire was stopped before the store was damaged too much by the fire and we just went on about things as though nothing had happened. Again, I woke up with a very deep feeling of sadness and uneasiness.

The third dream disturbs me most of all but I still can't completely understand why. In this dream, I was staying in the Luxor hotel (which is shaped like a giant black pyramid) with my mom and my dad. My mom and I were with somebody else ... I can't remember if it was my roommate (who at the time of the dream was my boyfriend) or if it was my dad that we were with. I seem to remember that my dad was back at the hotel which was on fire ... the fire was burning on three sides but the side where our room was had not caught on fire yet. The disturbing thing about this dream - and what ties it so closely to the other dreams - is that we only had about an hour or two to get all of our stuff out of the hotel before the fire got to our side but we weren't in a hurry .. instead we went out to breakfast and went shopping before walking back to the hotel to get our stuff out of the room. It turned out that the fire was stopped before it got to where our room was so we really didn't have anything to worry about and my mom, my dad, and I went back into the room as though nothing had happened.

I remember waking up from that dream feeling so disturbed by it that I wound up talking to my mom about it. She thought that the fire represented the people in my life that had passed away because my grandmother had passed away just a year or so before I had this dream and my dad had passed away just about 2 years before my grandmother. But my mom's interpretation of the dream didn't feel right to me.

All three dreams have danger signs that are being ignored .. and, while everything winds up being okay - the fire winds up being put out before it can pose a real threat, the fire is treated as though it isn't there. In the third dream the fire is all around and closing in but it is basically ignored as though we knew that the fire would be put out - - but that's not the point .. the fire was there and there was no certainty that it wasn't going to destroy the room but we ignored it. I could go further into this and how it applies to the way I relate to things .... and the fact that the dreams are trying to get something through to me but I choose not to go into this at this time ... it's just too much right now - - especially here.

Back when I had the dreams of fire, I tried to write about the dreams in a poem and in a song ... but neither the song or the poem would come together on paper. I do have a tape of a what I call a "test version" of the song - the words were made up as I was playing the music. The song ends with the words, "I don't want to dream anymore". I still listen to the song once in a while but those words bring tears to my eyes ... probably because I know exactly what I mean by them.

Tonight, when the feeling of those dreams was brought back by a tv show that I was watching, I found myself trying to write again ... the poem doesn't even come close to the feeling I want to express... still it's a start.

.......

I've had dreams of fire and ice
I've had dreams that echo screams in the night
In my dreams there's no desire to run
Surrounded by fire pretending nothing is wrong

And when I wake up ...

I've had dreams where everything is dark
There's something hiding deep in the night
In these dreams I cannot find a light
But the presence of evil is everywhere - I can't hide


And when I wake up ... fear so cold

In my dreams the fire is not enough
In my dreams....
In my dreams there's nowhere to run
In my dreams ...

I don't want to dream anymore
I don't want to dream anymore
I don't want to dream anymore....


Dreams of Fire and Ice - (c) 2003 Mary Valley


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